anxiety

June 1st…to return or not?

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Since Boris announced that he was hoping for schools to get back as soon as 1st June this subject has been big on my mind. As a mum of a reception child it was a huge shock hearing the age groups they decided to send back. Most parents of a child around 4-5 years old will agree they don’t like to keep still for long and you need eyes in the back of your head to watch what they are up to. I can’t even fathom the pressure teachers are going to feel to keep these distancing measures in place.

I’m not up to speed on all the science etc behind this awful virus. I don’t know all the figures or details of age groups mostly affected, all I know is my view as a mother of my children. As I currently write this I am about 90% sure that I won’t be sending Joey to school. Our school has yet to share any detail of their plans on how they will keep the children and staff safe in school. Obviously I want to hear it before I make the best choice for us. I have a little boy who is really wanting to return to all his friends. He also isn’t old enough to comprehend what it will be like to have to try and stay two meters away from them. I mean I’ve seen grown adults who don’t seem to be able to grasp the concept. I want to make an informed choice not just on my wishes but also on his. My sole job is to protect him the best way I can.

I know many key worker children have had no choice but to be in school. This must be so difficult for their wonderful Parents. I also feel that by returning more children to school, that really don’t need to be there, will be placing more risk on those children that don’t have a choice. I am also aware that if we send our children back their core learning is going to be focused on social and emotional well being. They are not going to be able to share toys or take a book out the library to learn to read. I am such a big fan of working on children’s emotional well being, do I feel this is the right way to go about it? No!

The other argument in the topic is that things may not be any better by September. I agree with this completely so why not wait? why not have the time to create proper plans structures etc instead of causing potential distress and upset for around 5 weeks. God forbid Joey became ill and ended up on oxygen or worse a ventilator. Would those 5 weeks of learning social skills from a distance be worth it? NO!

I am speaking only on my own thoughts for my child personally. Every child is different and every parent will have different views. It will be an impossible task to keep everyone happy but I believe this is a time to trust yourself, maybe go against the grain.

 

 

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The next step.

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Part of the reason I started this blog was to find something to do to keep my mind busy in the quiet moments. I wanted to do something I loved and that is writing. I might not be brilliant at it, I might not know all the correct grammar and even sometimes the correct spelling but it helps and I enjoy it so that’s all that matters.

I wanted to be open and honest about my Journey with anxiety. As I have said before it is such a taboo subject and people including myself are afraid to openly talk about it. I think it’s partly because for anyone that hasn’t been through it, it’s difficult to understand. On Friday I went to my first therapy session. I have decided that I need to work through my issues as I don’t want to be on my medication all my life. I want to be able to work on my own mind to make it strong enough to eventually be without it.

When discussing what road I wanted to go down the therapist gave me two options. She said that we could do as follows:

counselling sessions

These sessions would focus on past situations and we could talk them over and work through any feelings I had surrounding them.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

These sessions are designed to help focus on the right now. We can’t change our past and we can’t control our future. This therapy helps you learn how to focus on the now. It gives you techniques to cope with stressful and worrying situations.

I have decide to got for the CBT. I don’t really want to dwell on my past, Like I said it can’t be changed. I also don’t want to waste my time worrying about things that may or may not ever happen. I want to live in the now, I want to enjoy every minute I have and I want to raise my children with this mindset. I don’t want to pass any of my anxiety to them.

So this is the journey I have decided to take. I will update you all on my sessions and I will pass on anything that I learn. I hope sharing my story can help at least one person out.

Thanks for reading!

Amy X

 

The A word

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I had people saying ‘its all in your head’ Do you honestly think I want to feel this way? – Sonia Estrada

 

I’m going to start my posts with a tough subject the anxiety! lets get it out the way so to speak. Mental health is still such a taboo subject even though I bet more then half the population suffers with some sort of Mental illness. We can’t see it so that makes us uncomfortable right? I really hope that it can change one day and I believe the more people that speak out the more this will happen.

I think I’ve probably always been a bit of an anxious person and prone to being/feeling depressed. My big problems started when my daughter Penny was born, she rushed into this world after a very fast 40 minute labour (ouch) a little beautiful bundle of 7lb 7oz love to complete our little family. Two weeks later we woke up one day to her not seeming herself she was red hot and we where unable to pick her up without her making a painful cry, my motherly instincts took over and I knew something must be seriously wrong. I took her temperature to see a result of 39 degrees on my new born baby that’s when the panic set in. We rushed her to A&E only to be to told of a long wait to even be assessed but we acted fast and managed to get a doctor to see her. She went through a lot of tests including two painful lumber punctures and then we where given the news nobody wants to here. Our gorgeous girl had sepsis! Thankfully we had caught it very fast and with a weeks stay in hospital and lots of antibiotics she made a full recovery. We always call her our tough cookie now. 

Something had changed in my mind now! I had these two beautiful children, How could I ever face life without them? I’m sure every mother has had these kind of thoughts before but mine just went to the extreme. I didn’t want to take my children out into a world where people could touch them and give them germs. I began avoiding places and not going out so people wouldn’t want to hold Penny etc. I started waking up every morning with this awful sinking feeling in my chest, the kind you get when you know you have a horrible day ahead of you but all that was ahead of me was a day with my two beautiful children. With the help and support of my family I went to the doctors and started treatment taking medication that I call my zest! They are my zesty pills because they bring my zest for life back (most days) 

A year on from here I still struggle daily and a couple of times it has all become to much and I have had to have my zesty meds upped, I have also decided that its time I started some talking therapy to help me overcome my issues and eventually create my own zest for life without the need for medication. I’m so lucky to have the support I have at home and I hope reading this can encourage other people to be strong and not be ashamed to speak out when and if you are struggling. 

Thanks for reading! (sorry it was a long one) 

Amy  x