Part of the reason I started this blog was to find something to do to keep my mind busy in the quiet moments. I wanted to do something I loved and that is writing. I might not be brilliant at it, I might not know all the correct grammar and even sometimes the correct spelling but it helps and I enjoy it so that’s all that matters.
I wanted to be open and honest about my Journey with anxiety. As I have said before it is such a taboo subject and people including myself are afraid to openly talk about it. I think it’s partly because for anyone that hasn’t been through it, it’s difficult to understand. On Friday I went to my first therapy session. I have decided that I need to work through my issues as I don’t want to be on my medication all my life. I want to be able to work on my own mind to make it strong enough to eventually be without it.
When discussing what road I wanted to go down the therapist gave me two options. She said that we could do as follows:
These sessions would focus on past situations and we could talk them over and work through any feelings I had surrounding them.
Cognitive behavioral therapy
These sessions are designed to help focus on the right now. We can’t change our past and we can’t control our future. This therapy helps you learn how to focus on the now. It gives you techniques to cope with stressful and worrying situations.
I have decide to got for the CBT. I don’t really want to dwell on my past, Like I said it can’t be changed. I also don’t want to waste my time worrying about things that may or may not ever happen. I want to live in the now, I want to enjoy every minute I have and I want to raise my children with this mindset. I don’t want to pass any of my anxiety to them.
So this is the journey I have decided to take. I will update you all on my sessions and I will pass on anything that I learn. I hope sharing my story can help at least one person out.
Thanks for reading!
Well we have made it to date night!! So far Penny hasn’t caught scarlet fever and Joey’s antibiotics have kicked in and he is feeling much better. So I have packed them up and will soon be taking them to my Mum’s house.
We are so excited to go out and actually enjoy a meal and not have to inhale it. I think its so important to have some time for just us and to actually have a conversation that isn’t interrupted by one of our children. I always get a bit anxious leaving the kids. Even though I know they are in good hands with my Mum I just like to be there to tend to their every need! I think this is maybe the second time I have left Penny even though she is almost 15 months, She has been such a bad sleeper but I am sure I will miss her more then she will miss me. Joey is very excited to go as he has been stuck in the house most of the week with scarlet fever.
I’m going to go and check their bags for about the 100th time now to make sure they have everything they need haha!
Thanks for reading!
So scarlet fever has only been in our house for like a day but we are so board stuck in the house! We have coloured, Played, rested and watched disney films. Joey doesn’t have an actual fever today so I think he is feeling a little better but he is covered in a bright red rash that feels like sandpaper. I’m still waiting to see if it hits anyone else, Penny is very grumpy today so it makes me wonder if she is starting with it.
I find when I am stuck in the house its really hard to motivate myself to get anything done. I’ve attempted to write a list of things to do but so far it’s been unsuccessful. Its Tony’s last night at work tonight then he has four days off, I can’t wait for him to be off! I’m still hoping that we have a chance to be able to get out on our date night.
keep your fingers crossed for me!
Its official our house has been hit with the lurgy! Joey started last night with a temp and red throat then by this afternoon he was covered in a rash and had a bright red face. Luckily our doctors are very good at seeing children and we managed to get him a doctors appointment. So now it’s just a watch and wait to see who gets it next! Hopefully nobody. We are also facing the difficulty of getting him to take his medicine! WOW! the scene he made about it was some show. He was screaming very loud for a kid with a sore throat, It was like some sort of exorcism. To be fair to him I did have a little taste to see what all the fuss was about and Jeez does it taste vile. whoever invents some kind of chocolate flavored medicine for kids will be a very rich person some day (P.S please credit me for the idea if you invent it haha)
Its just our luck that he has come down with this now as we have a date night booked for Friday. I know, I know it’s selfish of me to think but we never ever go out just the two of us and whenever we book something you can guarantee that one of our children will get ill. I have my fingers crossed that he will be better and that Penny somehow manages to avoid it all together.
Pray for me haha
Its that time again where the kids are in bed and my Husband is on nights. I often look forward to these nights, some proper alone time to do what ever I like no interruptions. The reality is I’ve battled bath time and bed time alone and boy that can be hard work! I’m now sat here thinking about what the hell we did before we had the kids. I’m definitely the kind of Mum that is desperate for a break but the second I’m alone I miss my kids (yes even when they are in bed)
How easy was life before? Or should I say how boring was life before? I can’t even really remember what our house looked like pre kids. How did I fill up my time? It’s so funny how you just adapt to life changing without even realizing. I was saying to my husband today when I just had Joey I used to think wow how fast must I have done the shopping when I just had myself to think about, How easy was it for us to just jump in the car and go out for tea. Now we have Penny I often think how easy was it to just take one child out or tidy the house with just one child. I remember when Penny was first born the mission I thought it was to get them out the house and now its all just natural to me.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is man my life is boring without my Husband and kids haha. I’m going to go now and watch trash T.V and tuck into a tub of Ben and Jerrys and try and enjoy the peace while i can.
Thanks for reading.
Some days i get so over whelmed by the need to have a clean and tidy house! You know what i’m talking about right? The day you clean your house get dressed and everything looks beautiful nobody pops round. The day your house looks like its been through a blender and you haven’t even looked in the mirror yet (Never mind put a bra on) is the day everyone decides to spring a nice surprise visit on you.
After having two kids I decided that its impossible to live in a ‘show home’ my two can make a mess faster then the speed of light. I’ve given up trying to follow them round picking up every toy they drop. I mean how many times a day do i really want to shove that same dinosaur in a draw? How many times do i really want to clean my conservatory doors just so someone can come along and lick it (yes i said lick) or rub their sticky little fingers down it. Once is enough for me just before bedtime when its time to relax! Even when the house is tidy there is always a dolly or a shark hanging about somewhere. I climb in to bed at night and there will be some kind or Pokemon shoved under my pillow.
I came to the conclusion that a messy home can be a happy home. Toys are all over, So what? Our house has had a dinosaur fight going though it today, There was a Pokemon battle in my kitchen and Peppa Pig and her family came for a tea party. We built towns out of bricks and we knocked them down. The bathroom had turtles swimming in it and some sort of prehistoric shark made a big splash in our bath. Try and keep your house tidy with all this going on Haha. Like the cheesy saying goes ‘please mind the mess, the kids are making memories’ its so true and any of your surprise visitors should understand this. Your kids wont remember a tidy house but they will remember the fun and the games. So Put that dettol down and leave those pots to soak a bit longer. Let your childhood imagination take over and enjoy those little children while they still want to play with you (you wont be cool for long haha)
Thank you for reading
Taking on the role of stay at home mummy has been a lot harder then I thought it would be! As a child it was my dream, When all my class mates where discussing how they wanted to become nurses, vets and beauticians all I could think was how much I wanted a family. I know weird right? When I started a relationship with Tony it became clear very early on that we wanted the same things a strong marriage and a couple of kids (and dogs) added in. Perfect!
When Joey came along we decided that I would only go to work a day a week for a bit of extra spending money for us. We had worked out the costs of child care and we couldn’t justify spending the money I would earn on someone else raising our child. When Penny came along we decided that i would give up work all together and become a stay at home mum.
So what do I do all day? Watch daytime T.V with my feet up drinking tea right? Haha far from it! I get dragged out of bed at around 6 in the morning, normally by Joey ‘Mummy can we go downstairs? Mummy can we go downstairs? Mummy can we go downstairs?’ I make breakfast and rush around getting ready for the school run. My days are then filled with washing, cleaning, naps, crying (not always the kids ha), playing, laughing and just lately becoming a referee! It’s a continuous cycle of never getting a minute to myself even when going to the toilet I normally have a child watching! Its mentally hard some days but you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world! I feel like we only get so long in life with our children before they are off spending their evening and weekends with friends and their days are filled with school. We might not have all the money in the world, We live in our cute little two up, Two down and we have holidays in England not abroad but I know I wont look back and feel like i missed out on a thing.
I have to give full credit to every Mum out there that goes out and works! I know when you get home you have all the Jobs I listed above to do! I honestly wouldn’t have the drive to do it after a full days work! You are all amazing and deserve a medal. I also Know that not everyone is as lucky as me to have the choice to stay at home and that must be so hard. At the end of the day being a Mummy is all about doing whats best for our family and no two Families are the same.
Thanks for reading!