The A word

I had people saying ‘its all in your head’ Do you honestly think I want to feel this way? – Sonia Estrada


I’m going to start my posts with a tough subject the anxiety! lets get it out the way so to speak. Mental health is still such a taboo subject even though I bet more then half the population suffers with some sort of Mental illness. We can’t see it so that makes us uncomfortable right? I really hope that it can change one day and I believe the more people that speak out the more this will happen.

I think I’ve probably always been a bit of an anxious person and prone to being/feeling depressed. My big problems started when my daughter Penny was born, she rushed into this world after a very fast 40 minute labour (ouch) a little beautiful bundle of 7lb 7oz love to complete our little family. Two weeks later we woke up one day to her not seeming herself she was red hot and we where unable to pick her up without her making a painful cry, my motherly instincts took over and I knew something must be seriously wrong. I took her temperature to see a result of 39 degrees on my new born baby that’s when the panic set in. We rushed her to A&E only to be to told of a long wait to even be assessed but we acted fast and managed to get a doctor to see her. She went through a lot of tests including two painful lumber punctures and then we where given the news nobody wants to here. Our gorgeous girl had sepsis! Thankfully we had caught it very fast and with a weeks stay in hospital and lots of antibiotics she made a full recovery. We always call her our tough cookie now. 

Something had changed in my mind now! I had these two beautiful children, How could I ever face life without them? I’m sure every mother has had these kind of thoughts before but mine just went to the extreme. I didn’t want to take my children out into a world where people could touch them and give them germs. I began avoiding places and not going out so people wouldn’t want to hold Penny etc. I started waking up every morning with this awful sinking feeling in my chest, the kind you get when you know you have a horrible day ahead of you but all that was ahead of me was a day with my two beautiful children. With the help and support of my family I went to the doctors and started treatment taking medication that I call my zest! They are my zesty pills because they bring my zest for life back (most days) 

A year on from here I still struggle daily and a couple of times it has all become to much and I have had to have my zesty meds upped, I have also decided that its time I started some talking therapy to help me overcome my issues and eventually create my own zest for life without the need for medication. I’m so lucky to have the support I have at home and I hope reading this can encourage other people to be strong and not be ashamed to speak out when and if you are struggling. 

Thanks for reading! (sorry it was a long one) 

Amy  x


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